Sexy Pirates: Insert Plank Joke Here

Is it me or has Halloween turned sexy in a hurry? Did women always dress more provocative on Halloween than their usual social standards allowed? Even if so, they would never have dreamed it would come this fun, I mean far. I don’t remember the women pirates from history looking so sexy, or existing in any way shape or form for that matter. Still, I have found as of recently that women Halloween costumes can be some of the sexiest outfits available.



My grandpa once told me about how he would sneak peaks at the catalogs his mother received. You know, the ones that showed grainy black and white pictures of women in full body underwear. One day his mother caught him browsing through the undergarment pages and, well let’s say, censored him. Given the innocence of those catalogs compared with today’s standards, the story always stuck with me as I grew up as a good example of how much societies change over time. I would remember my grandpa’s story from time to time, and I remembered it today. Today I found my young son at the kitchen table browsing through a costume shop ad that came in the mail. The ad was 3 to 5 large colorful glossy pages. The costumes showcased, about a hundred, were being worn by as many gorgeous women, all photoshopped together as if in one giant sexy group photo. Each one was giving a provocative pose and was one wrong angle or slip from giving a free peep show. In other words, sexy, mainstream, and… typical Halloween fashion? (better one day a year than every weekend I suppose)

I will admit I stared at the giant glossy ad insert in a daze for a few seconds before realizing that my young son was also. Since he didn’t put up a stink when I took it away I don’t think he really knew what he had come across. He just scooted off the chair and left. I browsed through the rest of the catalog in a bewildered curiosity, picturing each outfit on my wife,of course. It was the pirate section that was the best. Pirate costumes for men are always centered on dirt, grunge, intimidation, and maybe if you have the chest for it, a little exposure. For women’s pirate costumes it’s sexy, sexy, sexy all the way. With items descriptions like “black fishnet glovelettes, lace cuffs, black velvet skirt and matching choker” I admit if I was a chick I would dig all the frills. Halloween is already the easiest night of the year to socialize with strangers because of the costumes. Being showcased as a smokin’ swashbuckler should definitely get the heads turning.